thebridgechicago:

jkhayz asked: Hey! First, I just wanted to say that the resource you guys are providing is great. Second, I need some advice on how to help a friend. He’s been struggling with depression, deeply, but won’t talk about it more than the surface level. In August, he leaves for the Marines. But he has recently been saying things like that’s he’s never coming back and that he is just going to die in the marines anyway and has nothing left here. I pray for him and let him know I’m here but I’m still worried. Advice?

I answered: I feel for you and your friend in this situation. I can’t imagine the stress of joining the Marines, but I have struggled with depression, as have many mature Christians I know. So let that be an encouragement for you in your concern, a lot of people have been through this and gotten a handle on it. I would say that includes biblical figure like David and Paul, who both very much struggle with their mental state in the scriptures.

I think you have good instincts in how to handle this. The thing about depression is: it is not a rational state of being. Because of that, rational arguments against it tend to be ineffective. Depression has a way of warping and distorting everything, and that can burrow deeply into someone’s mind. I have always thought that Romans 12:2 is about depression:

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Depression robs someone of their ability to see that God has something good for them, and to overcome it you need some brain rewiring. 

The thing about brain rewiring is that you can’t do it for another person. You can really only do what you are doing, pray and be there. The most helpful thing I was reminded of was that God promises that it won’t always be this way. Revelation 21:4 says one day “there will be no more tear or mourning of crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” So it will get better, that is God’s promise to him and it is a story that he can see lived out by others.

So stay the course of praying and loving, but don’t put the pressure of solving someone else’s depression on yourself. Depression is like some other long-term issues in that someone doesn’t move past it until they decide to move past it. One of the most brutal things about depression is that after a certain time, it saps your will to do anything other than be depressed. But you can be there to say “when you are ready to move past this thing, I will be there for you” which will both be a comfort in friendship and remind him that there is a time when he will want happiness more than depression.

-Matt From The Bridge

Ask Us A Question